I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
