I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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