He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
