She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
