the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
