Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
