Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
