I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
