When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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