I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
