I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
