We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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