Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
