i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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