the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
