he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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