The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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