im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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