I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
