You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
