dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
