Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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