she was so not down for the gang bang
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
