i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
