So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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