I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
The ass gains better be worth it
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
