this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
