guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
