Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
