I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
