A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
