I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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