I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
