sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
