glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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