We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
