You're earring is so big in my mouth
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
