I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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