There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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