so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
operation have a gay friend backfired
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
