he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
