Michael Bay diarrhea
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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