I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
