his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
