he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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