I can text with my tongue
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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