Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
