I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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