i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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