Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I could make wine with my vomit
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
