One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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