oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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