Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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