apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize