I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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