I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
