I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
