I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
