He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
