everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
