i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
